Food We Love: Kale

April 6, 2018

Remember when kale was a wilted piece of gross, under an orange slice, next to your deli sandwich? Kale is so cool now it has it own tee shirt. I heard George Clooney is playing Kale alongside The Rock (as Cherry Tomato) in the movie adaptation (Summer 2020). Ok to be fair, kale might have gone past the point of overhype, but it just might be so overstated it’s quietly getting trendy again. Brussel sprouts had their day until kale stepped in and pushed them into the compost bin.

Did you know that kale is a cabbage? I heard the kale kids and the cabbage patch kids live right down the block from one another. Let’s start with the obvious, kale is super low in saturated fat and cholesterol. In fact, it is one of the most nutrient-dense foods you can eat. Superfood alert! It’s teaming with fiber, protein, riboflavin, folate, iron, magnesium and phosphorus. What does all that mean? Kale is very good for you.

It is a great source of vitamin A, vitamin C, B6, calcium, potassium and vitamin K. Wait you made that last one up? Nope! Vitamin K plays an important role in blood clotting and keeping your bones healthy and strong as shit.

Kale is also very a robust crop (keep this in mind for the coming apocalypse), so it can grow outside of peak summer season. It’s readily available all year round, in one variety or another. This means you can add it to your plate when it suits your taste without concerns for the temperature outside.

Ok, we get it, kale is cool, show me the underbelly:

  • Kale repels salad dressing like a modern woman escaping a bad Tinder date. They just can’t get comfortable together. It messy and awkward. In the end, you get stuck with lots of dressing swimming on the bottom of your plate. Try a creamier dressing, like this one, to avoid this organic catastrophe.
  • It wilts faster than a man in the cold if you get what I am saying. Buy it fresh and try to eat it in a few days. Kale chips are a good backup plan to revive wilted leaves.
  • Baby kale is so much easier to clean and eat but lacks most of the depth of normal kale. Go for big thick leaves.
  • It needs love. It sounds weird to massage your kale, but it needs it. So rub it down good, break down some of that fiber, release the flavor and throw it into your salad.

I know you’d like to think your shit don’t stink

But lean a little bit closer

See that kale really smells like poo-poo-oo

Outkast featuring DJ Coverity

Ok, we are like 5 years late to the game here with this post, but kale should be part of your food pantry if it isn’t yet. Yes, it is overhyped. It might help you live longer, it might not, but all of that is pretty irrelevant for now. Eat it because it will help you feel good. Eat it because it will make you look good. Eat it because its literally on every menu you see. Kale, the only thing trendier than the Kardashians?

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